Do You Ever Feel Unreal, Like You're Separated From Yourself?

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Do You Ever Feel Unreal, Like You're Separated From Yourself?

You’re going about your normal business, and seemingly, out of nowhere, you have an odd, dislocated sensation. You look down at your limbs, and they feel and look unfamiliar and separate from you. Enough that you wonder, “Are these even mine?”

Or, you feel yourself floating away and up to the ceiling, where you seem to cling, balloon-like, staring down at yourself like you’re in a different tense—the third person—watching yourself in the scene below.

Perhaps you’ve had the unnerving experience of feeling like the world around you is a cardboard cutout or a board game, and everyone, including you, is just a piece being played.

If these descriptions sound familiar, you may have dissociated.

Dissociation means to emotionally detach from your immediate surroundings enough that you feel a sensation of being disconnected, separate, and apart.

Daydreaming is a type of dissociation. So is fantasizing, but as long as they don’t negatively interfere or disrupt your daily existence, they are not considered disordered.

While there are many types of dissociative disorders, including Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), today’s focus is on two particular types of dissociation: depersonalization and derealization.

These terms can create confusion, so let’s sort them out.

One form dissociation can take is called depersonalization. This is when you feel detached from your physical and emotional self, like you’re an outside observer, watching your own life from afar.

Depersonalization = de-person

Another form of dissociation is called derealization. This is expressed by an experience where the world itself feels unreal, as though buildings and landscapes were cardboard cutouts. There’s a two-dimensional flattening quality.  

Derealization = de-reality

The symptom of feeling like things are unreal should not be confused with one of the symptoms of psychosis, which is difficulty distinguishing between what is real and what isn’t. The dissociative experiences I’m writing about are different from psychosis. The difference is in the sensation of detachment.

Dissociation and dissociative disorders are typically born from early trauma, and nearly 20% of those with panic disorder had a co-morbid dissociative disorder diagnosis. 

There is a strong correlation between childhood sexual and emotional abuse and dissociation or Dissociative Disorder.

This makes perfect sense if you think about it. Consider how many adults struggle to regulate and manage their emotions. Now, look back all the way to childhood when we had close to zero tools to manage or regulate our emotions. When you throw something horrific and terrifying into the mix, the only protection a child has is to shut down. In shutting down, our internal self floats elsewhere, separating us from the events occurring in real-time.

This defense of separating allows us to exist outside of the feeling of terror. It’s one way to escape when we can’t physically escape.

When we dissociate during a triggering event, we disrupt the connection to our immediate environment. But we also disrupt the connection we have to ourselves. This is why, when we depersonalize or derealize in the aftermath, we feel unreal to ourselves or unreal to our environment.

Let’s dive deeper into the symptoms.

Depersonalization Symptoms

The primary symptoms are feeling disconnected and estranged from yourself. This experience can happen at any time, anywhere, although, naturally, some people experience these sensations more during stressful moments.

Symptoms of depersonalization may include:

• A feeling of disconnection from reality: Often, the sensation is that you’re an observer of your thoughts and feelings, as though you are both the movie and the viewer.

• Distorted self: Your limbs may feel and look different—longer, shorter, far away. Some people feel like their heads are wrapped in gauze.

• Caught inside a dream: You might feel like you’re walking inside of a dream. Reality feels blurry, and the world strikes you as a replica of the world you know. Things are familiar yet unfamiliar as if you’re visiting a film set of the neighborhood you grew up in.

• Feeling mechanical or robotic: You might experience a sense that you’re on auto-pilot, moving through the world without having thoughts or feelings linked to your activities or behaviors.

• Symptom anxiety: Because you know that you’re still in reality, your symptoms might kickstart anxiety that something is desperately wrong with you.

• Out of control: Because you feel as though your words, actions, and thoughts aren’t really your own, you are plagued with fear and worry that you’ll lose control.

• Memory distortion: Your memories may strike you as invalid, and you might find yourself questioning whether or not they are real.

Derealization Symptoms

Often, derealization symptoms are episodic. A person may briefly experience feelings of being disconnected from reality or as though the real world is distorted, muted, or not as it should be.

Symptoms of derealization may include: 

• Stuck in a dream state: You may truly feel like you are inside a dream or trance, something that feels significantly different from your normal reality.

• Relationship to time: Time changes. It feels either too fast, or too slow, or even collapsed altogether.

• Sound distortion: The things that happen around you might sound too loud, mumbly, muted, or just different in tone and quality.

• The world is flat: Like Dysthymia, the world around you might look muted and monotone. Alternatively, it may seem fake and exaggerated, too bold, and oversaturated.

• Objects are out of proportion: Objects and other people may seem an unusual texture or size.

• Symptom anxiety: Because you know that you’re still in reality, your symptoms might kickstart anxiety that something is desperately wrong with you.

Why does this happen? Why does a person dissociate at all?

While there are many theories, the one that makes the most sense to me involves the cognitive disruption that can result from a traumatic event, leading to an incomplete integration of the experience. This is why Eye Movement Reprocessing Desensitization (EMDR) is a front-line treatment for trauma because it helps the brain integrate traumatic memories, and it’s only in integration that the memories lose their power over your emotions.

The main difference between these two comes down to internal vs external awareness.

Things That Contribute to Depersonalization/ Derealization Disorder:

• Childhood emotional abuse or neglect is a very common cause

• Being physically abused

• Witnessing domestic violence

• Having a severely impaired or mentally ill parent

• Having a family member or close friend die unexpectedly

Episodes can be triggered by various stressors, including interpersonal, financial, or occupational. Depression, anxiety, or use of drugs, particularly marijuana, ketamine, or hallucinogens, can also set off a chain reaction.

How are dissociation and dissociative disorders treated? 

TREATMENTS

There are a handful of very helpful therapies that are recommended for dissociation. They are: 

Psychodynamic psychotherapy
This is talk therapy, where your therapist helps you connect what’s happened to you in the past and how you behave and act now. 

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
EMDR is a front-line treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that uses lateral movements to integrate stuck memories.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is another type of talk therapy and can help you focus less on the past and more on changing the way you think and behave in the present. 

Some techniques you can try on your own:

Grounding exercises can help tether you to the present moment.

Like most things, consistent practice enhances the effectiveness of grounding techniques.

Here are some to get you started:

• Awareness: Look around and focus on a few intricate details. Describe them to yourself, either out loud or silently. This helps engage all your senses and pulls your awareness into the moment.

• Words of Encouragement: When you are at your strongest, mentally and physically, write down a few sentences that might help you overcome challenging moments. “You got this,” or “This is just a feeling, not a fact,” or “Everything is temporary; this will pass, and you are strong.” Carry these with you at all times. When you need them, they’re right there for you to pull out.

• Visualization: Think of a place with only positive associations. It should be serene, and you should feel secure there. You can invent the place or call on something that exists. Close your eyes and immerse yourself in this place, concentrating on sensory details, the smells, and the gentle breeze.

• Objects: Choose a personal item with exclusively positive associations. Keep it with you as a reminder of your identity and present surroundings.

Relaxation methods vary widely, so it's essential to find activities that bring you comfort and pleasure, such as making art, sewing, cooking, playing guitar, reading, or walking in nature.

If you suffer from any of these symptoms, please know you are not alone.

If you’d like to read more, you can start here with Christina Caron’s article on the topic: What Does it Really Mean to Dissociate?

Were you familiar with these terms already? Let me know in the comments!

Until next week, I will remain…

Amanda