Are you overwhelmed by the long articles, or don't have the bandwidth? Have no fear; TL;DR for JUNE is here! This digest summarizes the vital bits from the previous month's "How to Live" newsletter so you don't miss a thing.

UPDATE!

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If you want to engage more deeply, find your people, and build community in real-time, become a member today!

This piece from JUNE 7th, 2023, asks you to consider The Question Your Life is Trying to Answer.

As a society, we focus on arriving somewhere, being right, and always having the answer. We focus on the outcome and overlook the process. But life is one long process, so perhaps we should stop trying to answer the question of our lives and focus on the question itself.

I believe that at the core of every person lies a question, and life takes its shape from the conscious or subconscious pursuit of answering or avoiding that question.

Trying to identify the question your life is trying to answer offers you an opportunity to focus on what matters to you; to discover why you are drawn and driven by some things and not others.

If you look at your life with the objectivity of viewing an artist’s body of work, what themes do you see? What recurs? What is your constant struggle? What are your patterns? What do you run from? What do you fear?

The question of your life is in your responses, not the answers. The distinction is that answers are direct and closed; responses are open-ended and fluid.

To find your question, and dig deeper, read the entire article.

READ THE FULL PIECE HERE

This June 14th piece was about The Difference Between Feelings and Emotions—which are not the same thing!

The often overwhelming shadows that emotions cast inside our bodies, darkening what was light just seconds earlier, are so uncomfortable and frightening that we try to avoid feeling the sensations.

We’re so adept at dodging out of discomfort’s way that we can spend years hiding our emotions, not just from other people, but from ourselves.

Yet, this withholding—from ourselves and one another—only exacerbates our loneliness and alienation. Being honest about our interior world and the private struggle that comes with it can be terrifying. Being truthful means bracing ourselves for the sickening backsplash of reality rising up our throats, reminding us that we exist in an unresolved uncertainty—who wants that?

But what is emotion? Why are we so reticent of its expression? And how is emotion different from feeling?

To put it plainly, emotions are unconscious, active, and physical. Emotions come before feelings. They are instinctual, biochemical reactions created in the brain that can be objectively measured in a doctor's office.

Feelings, on the other hand, are conscious and mental and can only be generated after the emotion is activated…

READ THE FULL PIECE HERE

The JUNE 21st piece was an excerpt from Isaac Fitzgerald’s memoir, Dirtbag, Massachusetts. The True Story of My Teenage Fight Club.

READ THE FULL PIECE HERE

The JUNE 28th, 2023 piece was about how Patriarchy is Bad for Men’s Mental Health.

bell hooks, who died in December 2021 at 69 years old, was a radical feminist, and she preached radical love.

In her book The Will to Change, hooks argued that patriarchy doesn’t just hurt women; it also hurts men and boys.

Abolishing patriarchy, she argued, wasn’t just to save women; it was also to save men.

The media portrays masculinity as virulent, dominating, and aggressive. Boys are shaped and informed by these fictional models of maleness and are mocked when they reveal or expose more emotional attributes, considered feminine and weak.

Boys are conditioned to be protectors, to be the man of the house, and to be strong and fearless. This recasting of roles causes emotional injury. After all, who protects boys, and what happens when they need to be vulnerable and cared for?

Just like their female counterparts, boys long for connection with their parents. When we turn boys into men too early, we force them into a position they’re not ready for while denying them the maternal care of a mother.

READ THE FULL PIECE HERE

JUNE RECS:

In The Good Enough Job, journalist Simone Stolzoff traces how work has come to dominate Americans’ lives—and why we find it so difficult to let go. Based on groundbreaking reporting and interviews with Michelin star chefs, Wall Street bankers, overwhelmed teachers, and other workers across the American economy, Stolzoff exposes what we lose when we expect work to be more than a job.

Rather than treat work as a calling or a dream, he asks what it would take to reframe work as a part of life rather than the entirety of our lives. What does it mean for a job to be good enough?

You will fall in love with Cliffy Douglas, the protagonist of Finlater, a glorious triumph of a novel by Shawn Stewart Ruff. Set in an Ohio housing project in the 1970s, Cliffy is a black 7th grader and spelling bee champ who meets and falls for his “soul brother,” a Jewish boy named Noah, whose family is dealing with mental illness.

Told from Cliffy’s point of view, this is the most unforgettable cast of characters and a queer coming-of-age classic about racism and sexuality in America, written with blazing ferocity by the enormously talented and woefully unsung author Shawn Stewart Ruff.

Listen to him talk about Cliffy Douglas on my podcast BOOKABLE.

Until next week, I remain…