Give Mental Health for the Holidays!
Last minute gifts from the How to Live newsletter
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Some of you may know that I've been sick with RSV and acute bronchitis for 42 days. This has made any in-person holiday shopping impossible. Thank God for Bookshop!
Today's newsletter is for those who still need to buy gifts but are at a loss.
These past three years have been hard to brutal for practically everyone.
Here are some last-minute mental-health-themed gift ideas for you and your loved ones.
Have you heard of Shepherd? It's a book site of author-recommended reads. Authors share five of their favorite books around the topic, theme, or mood of their choice. They asked me, and below is the list I wrote for them.
The best books to help you understand mental anguish from inside a body in distress
Why this book?
I am a superfan of Andrew Solomon’s and I urge you to read absolutely anything you can get your hands on, but this book is the actual Bible for understanding depression from the inside out.
It seems uncommon that when your life is going well, when everything seems to be working out in your favor, that depression should descend and rob you of all your joy, but that’s exactly what happened to Andrew Solomon. The way he writes about depression is beyond comprehension because it’s beautiful and profound, exacting and sweeping. Reading this, or anything of his, is like getting your organs tattooed with the ink of his experience. This isn’t simply one man’s account of his uncompromising depression, rather it’s a survey and sociological account of depression. Inspired by a 1998 article Solomon wrote for The New Yorker, this book is a wild achievement. Yes, it’s long and often unwieldy, just like life, and just like depression. This book, like William Styron’s Darkness Visible, is an American classic.
by Kiese Laymon
Why this book?
This wildly important book is about what it takes to become a fully realized black man in racist white America. On top of that already monumental struggle are more struggles: anorexia, sexual violence, abuse, obesity, gambling, the construction of identity, and excavating the self and others, to get at the truth. I’d say that this is perhaps one of the best books on trauma that I’ve read. The sentences themselves, the rhythmic syntax of their musicality, is just one emotional heartbeat of this stunning, painfully honest, and vulnerable work of art.
Why this book?
A truly insightful book—it is not a memoir—but rather a type of philosophical inquiry about living with schizoaffective disorder, and trying to make sense of the nonsensical, and order the disordered. This is both the work of an analytic researcher and the personal narrative of a person hoping to correct the misconceptions and branding of schizophrenia, but she writes beautifully and poignantly about the identity and branding of the mentally ill, and the stigma of chronic illness. My favorite writing about mental illness is writing done from inside the suffering, and Wang does that here, especially when she’s under the spell of Cotard’s Syndrome, a particularly chilling disorder that convinces the sufferer they are dead. There is no solution to chronic illness, there is only uncertainty, and while we all live in uncertainty—and many of us are adept deniers, Wang is not one of them.
Why this book?
There isn’t a human who lives in this life without accruing some trauma. Small t trauma or Big T Trauma, it doesn’t really matter. The body, like a container, does not distinguish or have a preference for what is being held inside. This book is a wildly important read for everyone. It teaches what those who have been made aware of their trauma already know—emotional pain is inside the body, and in order to process what’s trapped there, we need to go inside. Trauma occurs when the past remains present; the memory of the trauma doesn’t get absorbed or processed, it simply stays in place, inside your body replaying itself over and over, and this constant replay affects the body and brain on a physical level, and yet, because it’s invisible, it—like all mental disorders, isn’t treated with the same urgency as illnesses that can be seen. This book is overflowing with information and is, like the Noonday Demon, a classic.
By Julie Smith
Why this book?
Confession: as of this writing, I am only ⅓ of the way through this book, but I like it immensely and find it immensely soothing and validating. A cursory search on Dr. Julie Smith, a therapist, tells me that she is “TikTok famous” and remains very popular on social media. This is not how I came across her work or this book. This book is an excellent primer for how to survive being human in this world, with vital inside information from decades of therapeutic practice on how to face daily challenges and become attuned to our mental health. Filled with insights, strategies, and explanations that are both practice and relatable, this is a great book to gift to people of all ages.
More book recommendations!
By Regina Jackson and Saira Rao
Why am I including a book on race in a mental health newsletter? Well, because racism is a social construct baked into our system whose invisible trauma impacts every single person it touches, including those who perpetuate it.
Website description: "An instant New York Times Bestseller! A no-holds-barred guidebook aimed at white women who want to stop being nice and start dismantling white supremacy from the team behind Race2Dinner and the documentary film, Deconstructing Karen It's no secret that white women are conditioned to be "nice," but did you know that the desire to be perfect and to avoid conflict at all costs are characteristics of white supremacy culture?
As the founders of Race2Dinner, an organization that facilitates conversations between white women about racism and white supremacy, Regina Jackson and Saira Rao have noticed white women's tendency to maintain a veneer of niceness, and strive for perfection, even at the expense of anti-racism work.
In this book, Jackson and Rao pose these urgent questions: how has being "nice" helped Black women, Indigenous women, and other women of color? How has being "nice" helped you in your quest to end sexism? Has being "nice" earned you economic parity with white men? Beginning with freeing white women from this oppressive need to be nice, they deconstruct and analyze nine aspects of traditional white woman behavior–from tone-policing to weaponizing tears–that uphold white supremacy society and hurt all of us who are trying to live a freer more equitable life.
White Women is a call to action for those looking to take the next steps in dismantling white supremacy. Your white supremacy. If you are, in fact, doing real anti-racism work, you will find few reasons to be nice, as other white people want to limit your membership in the club. If you are not ticking white people off regularly, you are not doing it right."
Website Description: "We can't deny it any longer: there is a Black mental health crisis in our world today. Black people die at disproportionately high rates due to chronic illness, suffer from poverty, under-education, and the effects of racism. This book is an exploration of Black mental health in today's world, the forces that have undermined mental health progress for African Americans, and what needs to happen for African Americans to heal psychological distress, find community, and undo years of stigma and marginalization to access effective mental health care.
In The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health, psychologist and African American mental health expert Rheeda Walker offers important information on the mental health crisis in the Black community, how to combat stigma, spot potential mental illness, how to practice emotional wellness, and how to get the best care possible in a system steeped in racial bias.
This breakthrough book will help you:
Recognize mental and emotional health problems
Understand the myriad ways in which these problems impact overall health and quality of life and relationships
Develop psychological tools to neutralize ongoing stressors and live more fully
Navigate a mental health care system that is unequal
It's past time to take Black mental health seriously. Whether you suffer yourself, have a loved one who needs help, or are a mental health professional working with the Black community, this book is an essential and much-needed resource."
Advanced Parenting: Advice for Helping Kids Through Diagnoses, Differences, and Mental Health Challenges (PRE-ORDER)
By Kelly Fradin
Website description: "Any parent who has ever walked out of a concerning appointment with their child's doctor or teacher has experienced a heady mix of emotions--fear, love, confusion, concern, sadness, and perhaps even anger.
While every parent hopes for a healthy child, the reality is that children face many common challenges, including medical issues like ADHD, asthma, food allergies, feeding issues, learning disabilities, anxiety and depression, and developmental delays, throughout their formative years. As the role of a parent becomes one of a caregiver, it can be overwhelming for parents and children alike, particularly if money, time, access, or any combination of those are in short supply.
As a balm, Dr. Kelly Fradin offers Advanced Parenting, based on her experience as a complex-care pediatrician. In this crucial guide, parents will find empathy and support as well as evidence-based practical guidance. Of greatest import is the need for tools with which to manage the emotional stress that comes from having a child who deviates from the norm, as well as coping with uncertainty and navigating the business of care. Readers will discover ways to optimize the outcomes for their family and make their day-to-day life easier.
Advanced Parenting will help families from the beginning of their journey, helping parents to decide when a child needs help, accepting the implications of a challenge, obtaining a correct diagnosis, learning about the issue, building a treatment team and coming up with a comprehensive plan. Dr. Fradin explores how a child struggling can affect the entire family dynamic including the parent's relationships and the siblings overall well-being, and with her experience as a complex care pediatrician, she will help parents avoid common mistakes. Parents will feel seen, supported, and better prepared to be both a parent and a caregiver.
Website description: "Jennette McCurdy was six years old when she had her first acting audition. Her mother's dream was for her only daughter to become a star, and Jennette would do anything to make her mother happy. So she went along with what Mom called "calorie restriction," eating little and weighing herself five times a day. She endured extensive at-home makeovers while Mom chided, "Your eyelashes are invisible, okay? You think Dakota Fanning doesn't tint hers?"
She was even showered by Mom until age sixteen while sharing her diaries, email, and all her income. In I'm Glad My Mom Died, Jennette recounts all this in unflinching detail--just as she chronicles what happens when the dream finally comes true. Cast in a new Nickelodeon series called iCarly, she is thrust into fame. Though Mom is ecstatic, emailing fan club moderators and getting on a first-name basis with the paparazzi ("Hi Gale!"), Jennette is riddled with anxiety, shame, and self-loathing, which manifest into eating disorders, addiction, and a series of unhealthy relationships.
These issues only get worse when, soon after taking the lead in the iCarly spinoff Sam & Cat alongside Ariana Grande, her mother dies of cancer. Finally, after discovering therapy and quitting acting, Jennette embarks on recovery and decides for the first time in her life what she really wants. Told with refreshing candor and dark humor, I'm Glad My Mom Died is an inspiring story of resilience, independence, and the joy of shampooing your own hair.
by Kat Vellos
Website description: "We Should Get Together is the handbook for anyone who's ready for better friendships now.
Have you recently moved to a new city and are struggling to make friends?
Do you find yourself constantly making plans with friends that fall through?
Are you more likely to see your friends' social media posts than their faces?
You aren't alone. Millions of adults struggle with an uncomfortable and persistent ache: platonic longing, which is the unfulfilled wish for authentic, resilient, close friendships. But it doesn't have to be this way. Making and maintaining friendships during adulthood can be hard–or, with a bit of intention and creativity, joyful.
Author Kat Vellos, experience designer and founder of Better Than Small Talk, tackles the four most common challenges of adult friendship: constant relocation, full schedules, the demands of partnership and family, and our culture's declining capacity for compassion and intimacy in the age of social media. Combining expert research and personal stories pulled from conversations with hundreds of adults, We Should Get Together is the modern handbook for making and maintaining stronger friendships.
With this book you will learn to:
Make and maintain friendships when you (or your friends) keep moving
Have deeper and more meaningful conversations
Triumph over awkwardness in social situations
Become less dependent on your phone
Identify and prioritize quality connections
Find time for friendship despite your busy calendar
Create closer, more durable friendships
Full of relatable stories, practical tips, 60 charming illustrations, 55 suggested activities, a book club discussion guide, and 300+ conversation starters, We Should Get Together is the perfect book for anyone who wants to have dedicated, life-enriching friends and who wants to be that kind of friend, too."
GAMES
Website description: "From design legend, Debbie Millman comes a deck that will empower and inspire you to achieve the life of your dreams.
This goal-setting deck will help you turn your big ambitions into a set of clearly delineated goals that can be achieved over the course of a decade. THE REMARKABLE LIFE DECK provides prompts to identify your hopes and aspirations and, by daring you to dream them, helps you make those dreams a reality. Featuring 30 cards with generative prompts, an instructional booklet, and a workbook for creating your ten-year plan, this deck makes a meaningful gift for graduates, people contemplating a big life change, and anyone searching for clarity and direction.
Debbie Millman has led a remarkable life and has had an extraordinarily productive career: She has written six books, spearheaded the world's first graduate program in branding at New York's prestigious School of Visual Arts, and hosts Design Matters, one of the most popular design podcasts today, for which she has interviewed nearly 500 guests over the past 14 years. Her award-winning and influential work is renowned in the world of design, and she is excited to help others achieve their dreams and define success on their terms.
UNIQUE APPROACH: This deck, along with its accompanying guidebook and workbook, distills the strategies and techniques more commonly found in intimidating, long-form books and combines them with the utility of a blank goal-setting or productivity journal–giving you both guidance and flexibility and the option to customize for your specific needs and goals.
GREAT GRAD GIFT: Perfect for anyone closing a big chapter in life and embarking on another, The Remarkable Life Deck makes a wonderful gift for a recent graduate. It's the perfect thing to foster a sense of intention when tackling big life decisions and in helping people realize their ambitions one step at a time.
TESTED TECHNIQUE: Not only has Millman used this tool to help her students identify their own goals and the path to reaching them, but she also credits much of her own success to this tried and tested exercise.
Perfect for:
Gift-seeking parents of college students and young adults
Graduates and students
Ambitious young professionals
People at a crossroads, particularly in the wake of "the great resignation"
Future presidents, keynote speakers, and CEOs"
Website description: "A one-of-a-kind card game rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, The Game of Real Life uses mindfulness to teach emotional problem-solving and interpersonal skills--plus a 96-page pocket guide to DBT.
Be mindful. Solve conflicts. Live better.
A fun and accessible way to learn how to cope effectively, The Game of Real Life is based on the principles of DBT, which incorporates mindfulness with therapeutic life skills to combat anxiety, promote active listening, and prevent burnout. But you don't have to go to therapy to play.
How does The Game of Real Life work? The Wise Mind–or judge for the round-–presents a Conflict Card, revealing a hypothetical situation. Players respond to the conflict by playing a Skill Card from their hand. The Wise Mind awards the player whose Skill Card best resolves the conflict. The player who resolves the most conflicts wins!
The Game of Real Life includes a 96-page pocket guide with instructions for gameplay and further information on all of DBT's life-changing skills, from self-validation and self-soothing to identifying emotions and coping ahead for stressful situations. By discussing real-life situations with friends and learning from others, you'll master the skills for staying present, regulating emotions, improving relationships, and, ultimately, increasing your happiness."
Support your loved ones by giving the gift of GAMING their way to mental health
Gift a WORKSHOP!
And of course, my books!
Last but not least, here are 4 great Mental Health FOLLOWS ON IG
I hope this holiday finds your spirits lifted.
Until next week I remain...
(Nope, I'm not a therapist or medical professional. I'm just a human being who has spent most of her life trying to figure out how to live.)
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