FEBRUARY TL; DR
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TL;DR is a monthly digest summarizing the vital bits from the previous month's "How to Live" newsletter so you don't miss a thing.
FEBRUARY 2024
The piece from February 7th, 2024, Was About What Elmo Can Teach Us About Being Better Strangers.
At 10:46 am EST, January 29th, 2024, Elmo asked the world a question on X (or Twitter, as we all still call it).
Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing?
— Elmo (@elmo)
Jan 29, 2024
Somehow, this question, posed by a beloved figure from many people’s childhoods, elicited a response that hammered home a singular point:
We are not okay.
The despair piled in quickly. And soon, his question amassed 20K responses.
More about how Elmo touched the world in the link below…
This piece from February 14th, 2024, is now a Valentine’s Tradition—The True Story of My Fake Ex-Husband.
One afternoon in the 1990s, I was auditioning for an online production company when I hopped onto the subway with a small camera crew.
The second I sat down, I saw the most exquisite-looking 20-something-year-old boy. I sat next to him and introduced myself. His name was Pablo, and he was from Barcelona and spoke Catalan.
He was in the States on a business trip and was returning from a meeting.
Pablo was in NYC for only a few more days; he had no plans, so I asked him if he wanted to accompany us. He realized I was with a camera crew only after he agreed, but he didn’t seem bothered.
We got off the subway and walked. We were smoking and talking when I asked him something very unexpected.
“Should we get married?”
“I don’t see why not,” he said.
Click the link below to read what followed…
The February 18th piece was a bonus post about David Bowie’s 100 Favorite Books.
From 1972 to 1977, David Bowie didn't fly once, yet he traveled the world to tour, taking transatlantic liners and trains. With him were a series of trunks filled with up to 1500 books.
He had nothing to do but think, read, and write. And he used the time well. Some sources say he sometimes read a book a day.
If you, like me, longed to know what those books were or which ones he felt closest to, today is your lucky day.
Click the link below and find out which 100 books most inspired this icon.
This piece from February 21st, 2024, Was About the Exhausting Behavior Known As Hypervigilance
The circumstances into which we are born and the conditions in which we are raised create the blueprint for all future interactions and patterns of engagement and connection.
Not long after I was born, my parents separated and then divorced.
Perhaps that’s why connecting with people I love is intertwined with the threat of imminent loss. Who knows? Whatever the case, something triggered my genetic predisposition for anxiety, and it flourished under the guidance of hypervigilance.
Hypervigilance itself is not a mental health condition. Instead, it’s a symptom associated with various mental health disorders, including PTSD, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and mood disorders.
To be hypervigilant means to be on high alert and prone to overreaction.
It is being primed for danger, ready to run or hide immediately, even sitting at dinner with friends and loved ones.
When anxious people feel that their attachments are threatened, they can grow hypervigilant about all their attachments.
Hypervigilance and the corresponding dread that comes with it is an unconscious process, and like all unconscious processes, it takes conscious effort to dismantle it.
To learn how click the link below…
The February 28th piece was About Impostorism, How We’re Blaming The Wrong Culprit and Calling it By The Wrong Name.
Do you often worry that someday, everyone will discover you aren't as competent as you seem?
Good news—you’re not alone.
Most likely, you’re a high-achieving human.
You probably know this experience of perpetual doubt and fear of exposure as Imposter Syndrome (IP). However, that’s a misnomer because IP is not a medical syndrome or clinical condition but a universal phenomenon.
To prove just how universal this phenomenon is, studies in 2011 revealed that 70% of the general public felt like imposters. By 2020, that figure had risen to 82%, indicating that nearly the entire population had felt unshakable inadequacy.
Imposter Phenomenon emerged from the research of two psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. In the fall of 1978, their article, The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention, was published in Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice.
They recognized IP as a destructive pattern of discounting hard-earned achievements and attributing them to luck or charm rather than ability. The IP mindset breeds anxiety about being "exposed" as incompetent, spurring unrealistic standards and intense work ethic, almost as if trying to stave off inevitable failure.
Click the link below to read about the study, and the truth behind Imposter Phenomenon
EXTRAS…
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