Happy Wednesday, friend!

You are reading The How to Live Newsletter: Your weekly guide offering insights from psychology to help you navigate life’s challenges, one Wednesday at a time.

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What We Learn Privately In Therapy Can Help Us All.

Last week, I saw a post on Instagram and decided to share it on my feed.

The response was overwhelming.

And every offering serves as a timely reminder for you and me that our challenges are shared experiences.

Today, I'm sharing the responses and inviting you to contribute your insight gained from therapy in the comments.

Here we go!

Self-Awareness

• Recognize narratives that color perception and challenge cognitive distortions.

• Brokenness comes from fear of loving and being loved and then hurt. So work hard on just loving… yourself and others. In this culture, we are taught we have to be this or that to be loved. But love is always there for us; the more we feel it, the more we receive it.

• Hurt people—well, they hurt people.

• It's essential to be able to be well and sit in discomfort. It's a part of life, and it will pass.

• If you are getting into a negative loop, ask yourself for proof. Shuts voices down very quickly!!

• Realize that being alone and sitting in solitude is much better than being poorly surrounded by people who do not treat you well.

• Instead of thinking about everything that can go wrong, ask yourself what would happen if everything goes right.

• Think of the difficulties encountered in life not just as obstacles to be overcome but as sources of meaning. Ask, “What is this trying to show me/teach me?”

• It is impossible to make everyone happy without sacrificing one's happiness.

• It's just as easy to "write the story" as ending happily as it is to imagine disaster ensuing at any point.

• Nobody is coming to save me.

Coping

• Figuring out how to be happy now is life-changing.

• If you can’t apply logic to how someone treats you, the problem is them, not you.

• You will eventually find the limit if you keep pushing yourself to the limit.

• Love is not a word; it's a verb. Acts of service or goodwill towards others need not be photographed, shared, or posted–anonymous service work is indispensable.

• If the situation was reversed, would you do what they did?

• Do not fill the “not knowing” void with the biggest fears and worries. Get factual information. It helps with anxiety.

• Observing oneself and being neutral is far more valuable than trying to force self-compassion when feeling self-critical!

• No matter how much you love someone, you cannot change them. Love yourself first and foremost.

• When things are challenging, don’t lose focus on your human basic needs for food, water, and sleep!

• EMDR Therapy.

• Sometimes, you need to follow advice rather than thinking it won’t work or that you know better.

• Your feelings and bodily sensations are incredibly valuable, helping you know what’s right and wrong for you. Fear not; try pausing and not resisting; instead, make friends with your feelings, tend to them, and listen to the wisdom held therein.

Interpersonal Relationships

• When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!

• The reactions of others are not about you. They always reflect your internal dialogue.

• If you feel like someone doesn’t like you, it’s you responding negatively to them. You have no idea how they feel. It means you don’t like them.

• No is a complete sentence. You are not required to explain yourself.

• Dump him.

• Strike while the iron is cold: you don’t always need to confront someone or something when angry. Wait until you calm down.

• Know and embrace all your triggers. And you won’t suffer from them anymore.

• It’s necessary and healthy to give yourself the space to be angry.

• Ask for what you need. Out loud.

• Treat yourself with the compassion, love, and kindness you give others.

Mindfulness

• This is the present, not the future.

• What other people think of you is none of your business.

• When you’re terrified/unsure of a decision, add “for now” to the end of the sentence as you describe it to others. “We’re living in Vermont for now” is the example used for most of the pandemic when life became unrecognizable overnight. It gave me a lot of comfort and a reminder that everything is temporary, which often feels like a terrifying thought, but this was a beautiful way to practice and love it.

• Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

• Get a dog.

• Nobody is coming to save me.

• When change is needed, be open to something different. Not bad, not good, just unfamiliar… sit with it. Give it time to be nurtured.

• No one has it all figured out, and it isn’t fair to expect yourself to have it all figured out.

• Treat yourself with the compassion, love, and kindness you give others.

And you? Drop one piece of wisdom or insight you learned in therapy.

Until next week, I will remain…